KMWR: I always love to know how a story first comes to the writer. Can you speak to what it was like writing the first draft?

PN: The idea came to me from a dream my husband and I had on the same night. I slept on the sofa because I was feeling hot and wanted to be close to the window for a breeze.

When I woke up, I thought about the strange dream I had. Just then, my husband, while holding his cup of tea, said, “I had a strange dream.” He proceeded to tell me the exact dream that Dennis had in the story. I interrupted him because I had the exact dream that Ella had. I couldn’t let it go. How could we both dream of an attractive man trying to get our souls? It was too eerie, and I knew I wanted to write about it.

We are not churchgoers, but my husband grew up Catholic, and I attended a Christian school. Despite not belonging to a church, the central principles are embedded in us. I enjoyed writing the symbolism, like the chimps cracking rocks for evolution and the asphodel, the flowers of the underworld. Dennis smelling burning toast was intentional too, as that is often said to be a sign people experience before they die.

My central theme was that if you follow God, you are here to suffer and serve, but if you follow the devil, you will find pleasure—but it comes at a cost.

KMWR: I empathize with Ella throughout the whole story—her “day in the life” as a mom seemed almost as upsetting as her deal with the devil: the apathetic bus goers, Dennis’ obliviousness, and the physical demands on her body. Why was it important for you to have Ella be a mother in this story?

PN: I liked the symbolism of motherhood. Babies are holy; they are pure goodness and free from sin. Unfortunately, it is us who make these perfect beings impure. Mom guilt is real because we can’t help it; we are all flawed.

Ella’s longing to be a mother is something many women feel. Deep down, I think it's a natural urge, but in this day and age, it is also tainted by our thirst for success. We are almost forced to do it all, carrying so much that it takes us away from what comes naturally.

My main goal in this story was to emphasize that, no matter what, we all have to suffer. Ella would have suffered had she not become a mother because she would have ached for a baby. She suffers in her role as a mom because she has no choice but to do it all. If she stays at home, there isn’t enough money, and if she works, she feels away from her child. She can’t win, just like many of us.

Dennis isn’t the kind of man who can financially provide the life she wants. Even if he could, Ella wouldn’t be able to cope with having a man who paid for everything. That is just who she is—perpetually torn, which I, and so many women, can relate to.

KMWR: What have you read lately that you would recommend?

PN: I adored Emma Glass’s *Rest and Be Thankful*. It’s written by a nurse and dedicated “For Nurses.” I feel like she captured the essence of nursing perfectly. Honestly, I thought the experience couldn't be put into words, but she masterfully did it.

There is a moment when the protagonist, Laura, is in the hospital chapel looking at all the teddy bears once loved by deceased children. She picks one up, and a spider falls. She stamps on it repeatedly, as though trying to kill death. It was so cleverly written and touched me in a way that nothing else has.

 “We are cotton buds sucking up the sadness of others; we are saturated, we are saviours. We absorb pain, too thick with mess to notice that everything around us is drying up and growing over. One day, we will wake up in a wasteland, surrounded by the crumbling bones of those who loved us and waited for us to love them back. We did not forget, but we were too busy being useful.”

KMWR: Where do you like to write, and what do you like to have close by as you write? 

PN: I will write anywhere quiet. Now that I’ve finished university, I will miss the library the most. I would have happily moved in there, setting up a little night light and camp bed, surrounded by the scent of books while the rain pattered against the windows. It was a lovely library in a historical building.

Currently, my lap is the only writing space I have. My family seems to see my desk as the landing zone for objects that need to be returned to their rightful places. I feel like Indiana Jones every time I want to use it, having to return items first.

When my desk is clear of clutter, I like to have an endless supply of drinks next to me—honestly, sometimes as many as six at a time: coffee, herbal tea, fizzy fruit drinks, smoothies, cacao, and more. A candle usually completes the setup. I’m a bit witchy and will use incense and orange candles to enhance creativity.

KMWR: Can you tell us more about anything new you’re working on at the moment?

PN: I recently underwent emergency surgery, which has put my main projects on hold. I’d like to get back to refining my novels to a high enough standard to query them again.

I have a contemporary romance and a fantasy novel that I wrote ten years ago. Now that I’ve graduated with my Creative Writing MA, I’m eager to revise these works using the skills I learned in my course.

I’m also working on a short story that I’m excited about. It centres on a ghostly stalker haunting a nurse in the oldest hospital in the UK. Having worked in a hospital that houses a taxidermy museum, I wanted to incorporate that unique setting. During building renovations, they even discovered a Roman sarcophagus!

I’ve explored the ancient tunnels beneath the hospital while carrying blood samples to pathology, and that experience sparked my inspiration. It’s a fascinating place, and I hope to do it justice by bringing it to life in my writing.